I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Randomize
