last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
