i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
