Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
