Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
