So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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