I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You have to summon your inner elephant
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
