i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
