Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
