I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
