Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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