So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
