We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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