My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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