new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
