Heybabeimwearingurpanties
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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