her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Randomize
