when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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