It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
