Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
