dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
