We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
