the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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