This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Randomize
