i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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