Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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