i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just pee around me
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Randomize
