On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
