I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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