Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
When did angry sex become our thing?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
