My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
