..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
be right there i have to get my cape
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
