No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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