I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
did you just send me my own nude
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize