Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
