He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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