i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
its liver damage thursday
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
