thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
