I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
