and you said cock pushups were impossible
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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