Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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