i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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