I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
