White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
