your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
