Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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