See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
