dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
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