I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's shark week go big or go home
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
