hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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