it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My vagina is officially offended.
Drunk is not a location!
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