nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
