i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
