i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
