you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
