im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize