ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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