In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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