An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
