i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
