im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
