my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
