i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
