@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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