just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
