I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He passed out mid-signature
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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