Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
