i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
