Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
