dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
