Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
