the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
it's like iHOP with fire
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
