Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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