3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
