No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
