Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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