The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
