so that wasnt chicken after all
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
It's never too late to be topless.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
