You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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