Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The Olympian is in my bed
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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