we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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