So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
