this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
that is very illegal...i love you.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
