While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
