I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize