Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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