Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize