Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My bed smells like the plague
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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