I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
