i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize