Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
