OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize