All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
