Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
