Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
